In this post, we will cover the pre-wedding (warning, this may be rather lengthy). It starts with the proposal where the main cost should be the ring with the bling bling. And the market really has been spoilt nowadays where there seems to be an expectation of an elaborate plan around how to propose.
But let's start with the ring. The standard rule of thumb propagated in the US is to purchase a ring 3 to 4 times of your monthly income. That's madness. There are better things in life than a diamond ring and to be honest, I don't approve of girls demanding a certain carat for their ring. Carat is probably the least important anyway in the quality of the ring, where the characteristics of cut, clarity and colour are considered more important.
My recommendation is to budget one month's salary. I know there are those out there who would still shout and scream that this is outrageously high or insultingly low, but this budget was able the strike the balance between not being over extravagant and still showing your bride that you want to get her something special.
Then there's the dowry and depending on how traditional the bride's parents are, they may even opt to forgo this (if you're really lucky!). Some parents will even go through the formality of the dowry presentation and then pass some of it (or sometimes all) back in the wedding ang pau for the couple. An important part to work out is how the dowry is to be paid - it may be cash, free tables at the wedding dinner for the parents' friends or a combination of both.
On my end, I gave 10 tables for the wedding dinner. This links closely to how the ang paus are collected and will need to be clarified before your wedding. I kept it very clean in that the bride's parents collected all for their side (18 tables) and the wedding couple collected the rest. The parents then paid the direct cost of the 8 remaining tables since I gave 10 tables, regardless of the ang paus collected. It ended with no confusion and not a cent unaccounted for when we did the calculations the next morning.
Next is the pre-wedding pictures. Nowadays, the trend is for wedding couples to ask friends who are enthusiast photographers to take fun pictures of them (and sometimes friends and family) instead of going through an official bridal studio. That is much cheaper but depending on whether you want to buy or rent a dress, it can be rather affordable to take a full package from a bridal studio.
We went when the studio had a very good promotion, paying RM2,800 for a package containing pre-wedding pictures, a RM1,000 shopping voucher, a big hamper of food and wine, and included the dresses and tuxedo for both the pre-wedding shoot and the actual wedding day. All in all, a great deal.
Then, there are the bridesmaids to think about as the bride will often pay for the dresses that they walk down the aisle in. Nowadays, there are really good tailors who make great dresses at very reasonable prices although you have to do the extra work of finding the designs, buying the material and then working progressively with the tailor to get the dresses just right. At the same time, some grooms will like a snazzy new suit to get married in...like me, but to be honest it was completely unnecessary since I could borrow any tuxedo I wanted from the bridal studio. It was primarily an ego decision.
Potentially, the biggest pay out prior to the wedding day may be the deposit for the dinner venue, especially if it is a hotel. Some hotels now demand at least RM10,000 up to a year before the wedding day. Fortunately, the person I worked with handled both my older sisters' weddings at the same hotel and trusted me enough not to ask for much of a deposit at all - we ended up paying RM5,000 one month before the wedding at the food tasting.
Finally, the wedding bands. Fortunately, both my wife and I like simple, unassuming bands for rings. We ended up paying around RM400 for each ring and we're completely happy with them. She wears her engagement ring together with the wedding band so the band doesn't take away from the bling bling as well, which is good...
Well, we've come to the end of the main pre-wedding expenses. I've left out a million other things that can be added in but these are just the essentials that my wife and I decided on. Next up - the actual wedding day.
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