Looking at the amount of expense incurred for the pre-wedding, you would have thought that you were out of the woods but then the actual wedding day swings around and you realise that there's still a long way to go.
First of all, if you're having a church ceremony, there will be a rental for both the hall for the ceremony and the area set aside for lunch. For Chinese, another room might even need to be set aside for the tea ceremony if it is to be done between the ceremony and the luncheon. With this in mind, the florist and decorators will start the bleed, followed very closely by the lunch catering fees (take note that in Malaysia, most people do not give ang paus for the lunch, but instead reserve it for dinner; if you're really fortunate, the ones who do not come for the dinner may give a small contribution).
Next, you will have the event photographer and/or the videographer because presumably, you'll be looking at the pictures and videos regularly for over 50 years until the day you die. Realistically, it's nice to have a record of the day's events but it doesn't need to be extravagantly recorded - I paid a very reasonable sum for the videographer and photographer friends stepped in to capture the special moments.
Before the wedding even starts, there is also the make up artist of which can be quite a hefty fee depending on who you trust to do it. I had previously discussed with the bride that this was the one area she did not mind to splurge on and so we cut back on some areas and allocated RM1,000 for the make up artist...who by the way, could not wake up on the day and came over an hour late - not something to do with such an important and emotional day.
Then, there is the Chinese morning ceremony where the 'sisters' set certain challenges for the groom and 'brothers' to pass before being able to pick up the bride. Part of these challenges involve regular monetary contributions but part of the secret of getting through this is to talk to the 'head sister' weeks before the wedding and work out the number and amount of contributions, bribing her if needed. Trust me, it is worth it to bribe her when she's planning those cockroaches for you to eat...
One significant aspect which not everyone takes into account is the ang paus that you give everyone who helps out on your wedding day. There is an extensive amount of people who come to support your wedding and pour out from their hearts without expecting a cent...but this does not mean that you should not give a personal, hand-written note (I can't remember whether I ran out of time and typed out notes instead!) with a small ang pau to express your gratefulness. Including the preacher, wedding official and every other role there, be sure to budget a decent amount for this.
We're finally on to the wedding dinner itself. This can potentially be where the biggest expenditure can occur. Many couples expect that the ang paus will cover the cost of the wedding dinner but this doesn't happen all the time. To be safe, it would be good to budget 20% of the cost to not be covered and have the buffer in your savings - if the ang paus cover you have a bonus amount to use for your honeymoon but if it doesn't, you're prepared and don't go into the marriage in debt.
Apart from the obvious venue/food costs, wedding favours (and wedding cake, which is optional) comes into the picture. This is where we cut back a lot on the cost where my cell members helped us prepare relatively inexpensive DIY favours and we opted not to have a cake at all (in fact, we even forgot to cut the hotel prepared cake in the busyness of the evening!).
The last item comes after the wedding: the honeymoon. To be honest, I don't believe in spending a lot on your first honeymoon. Firstly, you're going to be rather tired out and recuperating because the weeks leading up to the wedding will be very busy with preparation and the two nights before the wedding day, it will be difficult to sleep due to the adrenaline and excitement. Secondly, you will be spending quite a lot of time in the hotel room...for various reasons. We opted to go to a nice resort around Kuantan and relax for a reasonable price, and never regretted that decision.
And that's comes to the end of it. Phew. Managed properly, and with a bit of luck, you may even make a 'profit' at the end of the day. But the worst result would be starting the marriage in debt.
A wedding is a day. A marriage is a lifetime.
Cutting back on non-essentials on a wedding will not affect the daily marriage which is far more important. Starting the marriage on a firm financial foundation is far more important than having the most extravagant wedding because what makes a wedding special is that moment before God when you become husband and wife, under the covering of His presence; it is not how much you spend on it.
My hope is that you will spend as much time praying for your wedding and marriage as you are prepared to spend your finances on it.
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