Sometimes you wonder what makes a relationship and marriage work.
In college, you get used to seeing couples get together and break up at will, switching partners quickly and not approaching dating with a lot of weight and commitment. It's so common it doesn't even affect you when you hear about it.
But as I approach the end of my 20s, I start seeing so many situations where marriages fall apart, divorces happen among people I know, and people in long-term relationships and engagements call it quits after being together for six or seven years.
And although I don't necessarily apply it to myself, I still feel a bit unsettled when I see couples, whom I thought were quite solidly grounded, choose to walk separate ways despite circumstances such as having young children whom they are responsible for.
As a person who has only been married for nine months, I have to admit that I'm still a complete rookie and amateur, and I look up to people who have been there and done that, and who show the way on how to have a successful long-term marriage.
It affects me when I see people discard what they've tried to build over long years for a new girl or guy who holds the promise of treasuring them better...for a season. They are willing to sacrifice the years of investment in that relationship and even the children they have raised as a result of the marriage for that new hope that the grass is indeed greener on the other side.
Why does it seem like so many treat it so lightly? Almost as though it's a joke. Marriage...sacred? Nah, it's a legal contract for as long as the two parties are 'happy'.
There probably isn't a black and white answer to what makes one relationship work and another to fail but there are good guidelines to follow which at least gives you a fighting chance of making it last that ever after dream. There are never any full guarantees but it helps if you don't stack the odds against yourself and commit relational suicide.
I think that the first thing to realise is that relationships are difficult and challenging. There is no such thing as a relationship that is always easy to maintain over time. It takes consistent hard work and a desire to honour God through your actions and intentions.
It's also important to know and set your non-negotiables. If he's the perfect guy except that once in awhile he drinks too much and beats you, that's something completely unacceptable. Ever. If he constantly lies about where he goes and what he spends on, and you find out he's been hiding a massive credit card debt, it's a big red flag. If both of you are devout believers of different religions...
Compatibility also plays a big part. Some people believe that as long as two people constantly have the mindset of wanting to work things out, they will always make it. This may be true to a certain extent but it makes it exceedingly tough when you are both on different wavelengths and are unable to function together as a team. And when I say compatibility, I'm not talking about sexual chemistry.
Maybe most importantly is how you've built your relationship step by step from the foundation up. The time you've spent communicating and understanding each other, facing conflicts and issues head on to reach a positive balance, developing your own individual character and capabilities, and making the decisions and sacrifices which honour God and each other every day. The ongoing pursuit of getting to know each other and building intimacy in the relationship without getting complacent.
These are the things which I feel form the basis of why a relationship have lasting success and finish the race but the tough part, as always, lies in the day to day practical application.
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