Nowadays, people seem to be getting married later and later, and correspondingly, many are having kids later or not having any at all. And you have to wonder, is this a good thing?
My parents got married at 22, had 4 kids and are doing just fine. Of course, they’re still coping with empty nest syndrome now that all of us have moved out, most in other countries, but I wouldn’t mind being in the position they’re in when I’m their age.
They both have flexi work hours which allows them to take their morning hike near the rubber plantations every morning. They have enough cash to travel and holiday whenever and wherever they want (this allows them to visit my siblings whenever they want). They can live completely spontaneously, going to the movies whenever they feel like it or taking a road trip to Raub if they miss the curry there. And they could start living like this after my brother went to Ireland for college 6 years ago.
Now imagine that they had gotten married and had kids later, let’s say their first child at 35 years old, which is pretty normal today. By the time, that child finishes college, they would be 57 years old, and if they had any other kids, they would be well into their sixties before they can start enjoying the next phase in their lives.
So why are people ‘starting later’?
1. Career and finances are king: I don’t think that building a career and finding a partner are mutually exclusive. Both can be important and both can balance each other out. I think that most girls would be happy to find a man who is career driven as long as it’s not the only focus in his life.
2. The loss of ‘freedom’: Apparently, getting married younger and later on, having children, means you lose your freedom and corresponding happiness because of all the restrictions. I feel it’s bollocks – getting married and having kids can release such purpose and joy in your life; it’s how you choose to be whether you’re single or have kids.
3. Needing to have your ‘ducks in order’: This applies to many couples who are delaying getting married, year after year. Needing to get everything in perfect order with the home, the finances, the fat bank account, the car…come on, if you’re sure that you’ve got the right guy, get married and don’t wait 7 years. Have a simple, cheap wedding if that’s all you can afford. Same goes with having kids – you don’t need to have that college fund saved up before you have a child.
4. Needing to ‘feel’ ready: The world really operates too much on ‘feeling’ nowadays. I believe it’s the cause for a lot of broken relationships and marriages. Why the heck would feeling be the foundation for so many of the major decisions in our lives? These decisions should be made based on commitment, honour and choice; not how someone feels at a certain point or season.
5. Not wanting to ‘settle’: These people are always holding out for something better, believing that accepting what they currently have would shortchange their options for joy and happiness. But consider this, many of these people I’ve met are not happy and content anyway because they’re always looking at the greener grass on the other side of the fence. At the same time, unless you’re called to be single, I sincerely believe that there’s few greater joys in life than sharing it with a companion and having children to raise.
I know that many people won’t agree with what I’ve just written and I fully understand that there are perfectly legitimate reasons for not getting married or having children, but I just feel that the general trend is not necessarily the best one.
If the guy you’re dating does not fulfill one or more of the ‘non-negotiables’ and is a complete ass, you probably shouldn’t even be dating him in the first place.
If you are called to singlehood and you’ve made that sacrifice for God, hey by all means, honour that covenant you’ve made with the Almighty.
If you can’t even take care of yourself and function properly in terms of putting food on the table and keeping the home relatively clean, and are deeply in debt due to a gambling problem, yup, maybe you shouldn’t have kids yet.
But in a normal situation, I honestly have a bias towards getting married and having kids…
Just do it.
0 comments:
Post a Comment