Not once have I truly felt guilty about what I eat and my main concern was always that my fitness levels were dropping to embarrassingly low levels, rather than putting on weight. As a matter of fact, I actually look better when I put on weight – it makes me look less scrawny and haggard.
During the last month or so, I’ve tried to throw in healthier meals into my routine. This was more driven by curiousity than a desire to diet. There are days I go to a mixed rice stall, ask for no rice and pack my plate to the brim with different types of vegetables (more food than I would usually eat in one meal). Then I’d try to slowly work through it – there were times I felt like gagging and didn’t finish because it just tasted too ‘healthy’.
But around two weeks ago, for the first time in my life, I started feeling guilty at what I was putting in my body. It came out of nowhere and I’m not sure exactly what triggered it. But it’s definitely linked to my exercise initiative; the fact that I’ve maintained 8 weeks of regular exercise showed me that I was finally getting a bit more serious about fitness.
And the guilt has nothing to do with the number of calories I’m eating, it’s to do with the type of junk I was feeding myself.
My standard routine was to pick up a nasi lemak on my way to work (many times adding in fried chicken, beef rending, sotong, curry chicken…or a combination of a few). Then I’d eat a heavy lunch and pick up a Coke from the office pantry (it’s free so I thought I’d make use of the perks). At around 3 to 4pm, I’d need a pick-me-up to keep me awake, and go down for an ice cream (my colleagues were shocked that I could eat ice cream every single day for a year…).
Then two weeks ago, it really hit me as I was halfway through my coke at 2:30pm. I felt so guilty that I emptied the second half into the sink (I know, what a waste), and made myself green tea instead. Ever since then, I’ve skipped the nasi lemak breakfast but I still have breakfast with those square-shaped Jacob’s crackers (yes, the ones that taste like cardboard). I’ve tried to reduce my simple carbs intake at lunch but load up on more vegetables because I don’t want to reduce my calorie intake. I haven’t taken a soda or ice cream since (the ice cream part was freakin’ tough because it has become a habit) except for weekends.
And it’s made a difference. I thought I would get hungry faster in the evening because of less meat and carbs but the increased vegetable intake keeps me going because it’s digested slowly. By reducing simple carbs and heavy meat dishes, I don’t feel as sleepy after lunch. I save money from not buying breakfast or ice cream, and I’m slowly getting over my need for a sugar kick. Finally, it might just be in my mind but I feel generally healthier and stronger (which could be a by-product of my exercise as well).
It was like an on-switch just came on when I got serious about exercise. It also made me think about the fuel I want to put into my body, and on a logical basis, better fuel means a more powerful and efficient engine. Going to all these fitness inspiration sites right before my workout days also influences me because half of what they talk about are clean diets.
I guess this is phase two of my fitness programme. I’m not going to cut back on my food intake, I’m still going to indulge once in awhile in KFC and McDonalds but the rest of the time, I’m going to make sure that I put better stuff in me.
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