I think that one of the most common phrases I heard during the week of Valentine's Day was "Why do you need to wait for this day to come around to celebrate? Everyday should be Valentine's Day". I wonder if those who celebrated on February 14 ever felt a bit of a pinch every time they heard or saw this statement flying around. It's almost as though people are telling you that you didn't appreciate your partner on other days in the year enough.
But I don't see anyone complaining when you do something nice for your partner on their birthday or buy them an expensive present for Christmas. Which makes me think that these 'wet blankets' are actually focusing too much on the concept of 'Valentine's Day'. The focus should really be on the object of affection, rather than on the event itself.
In the process of a relationship, you're always going to have to regularly show sincere love and affection to your partner through both your actions and your words, and there will be different ways you can demonstrate this. Planning out a date night if you haven't gone out for awhile, giving a back massage when you know she has been stressed out or sometimes just holding his hand and letting him know that you're here for him. At times, there are different 'triggers' which remind you to show affection such as a birthday, Christmas and...Valentine's Day.
But despite what you do or when you do it, the whole purpose is to show love to your loved one. There's already plenty of reasons why people forget, sometimes for long periods at a time, to show affection and care. People get busy, financial problems or disagreements over small things which escalate quickly into full out arguments - relationships break down so easily nowadays and it seems so simple for people to get divorced nowadays when things don't work out.
Why discourage a day where people are reminded to love one another? Why knock it and make someone feel like they're using it as an excuse for not showing enough affection earlier on? Why don't we encourage the affection in a positive way rather than spout out ideals of which many of those shouting them out don't even apply them, or just pretend to? Every small, baby step to building something worthwhile should be encouraged and affirmed, even if it is triggered by an event.
On a personal level, I confess that I don't particularly like how Valentine's Day has been over-commercialised, with prices for things like flowers or a dinner at a nice restaurant hiked up a lot. I tend to avoid celebrating on the day itself and try to find the best time for both my wife and myself on a different day close to the date - this year we celebrated on 18 February. But if it truly, truly made her happy, I'd still give in and get whatever she wanted. Buying the diamond engagement ring was an example, or even during this Chinese New Year season, taking family out to restaurants even though I know the prices will be much higher.
I'm still learning more and more that my principles don't necessarily have to get in the way of the happiness of someone I love as long as I don't hold on to them just for the sake of the principle itself, but with the best interests of the other party at heart.
This is my valentine. See her dimples? It means she's happy. :P
I don't usually write much about my wife on this blog so I'll introduce her just a little bit.
We've been married for 2.5 years. We have a beautiful 1.5 year old daughter and another due in the first week of June this year.
She has the most gentle spirit of anyone I've ever met and has a truly good heart without hidden agendas or a malicious streak. She's always quick to love and accept, and slow to judge. She's an excellent listener and takes the time to hear you out before jumping in with comments or advice.
In our relationship, I'm the volatile, passionate one, and she's like a strong and steady anchor in any storm that life has thrown at us. She prefers to give than to receive. She laughs at my jokes even if they're not funny...at all. She's a calming influence in any situation I want to rant at something, like the car that just cut me off without signaling.
She loves God and loves people. She's the most amazing mother to my child...and future children. She's my closest friend and confidante. There's nothing in the world I enjoy more than spending a lazy day at home with her just talking and hanging out. She's my partner in crime, especially when we notice someone doing something funny; our eyes would meet and laugh, without the expression on the rest of our faces changing.
I've never been happier than during the years I've been with her. And I look forward to many, many more years together. I love that this is the person I'm partnering to build a family with.
She is my soul mate.
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