Wife: Do you think that fairy tales and Disney cartoons screwed us all over?
Me: (Raises eyebrows) That’s random. Whatever do you mean?
Wife: You know, about love. Prince charming, love at first sight, happily ever after…
Me: (Acting flabbergasted) You mean our love is not as romantic as in fairy tales?????
Wife: (Rolling eyes) Loooovvveeee, seriously…
Me: (Long pause) No, I don’t think we were screwed over. I think there’s a place for fairy tales. Before my kids are beaten down by the cruel ‘realities’ that life brings, I want them to be able to hope in something better. I want them to develop a strong sense of wonder for the things around them. I want them to dream, to imagine, to be curious of possibilities, and not to be constrained by how bleak things look in the present. I think they’ll be more open minded and creative if scepticism doesn’t eat them up from too young an age.
Wife: (Not looking convinced) Go on…
Me: And besides, I’m pretty sure that before they even start dating, I will be telling our daughters all the horrible things about guys that will scare them from dating until they’re 40…There’s plenty of time for them to face disappointment as they grow older. It’s inevitable. People feel that you protect your children from these disappointments by telling them the tough truth from the beginning so that they don’t have any unrealistic expectations. But I feel that it’s also important to build up a core of hope and optimism that they can turn to when the chips are down.
Wife: Well, you have a point but some of the messages in fairy tales and Disney cartoons are still a little disturbing.
Me: I guess we just have to try to find a right balance and trust that our children will be able to differentiate between fact and fantasy as they grow up, and be able to still retain a sense of wonder about life.
Wife: (Suddenly feeling the weight of responsibility of raising the kids) Yeah, I guess…
Me: And to a certain extent, it’s a bit like our faith. We persistently hold on to the belief that things are going to be all right no matter how bad the circumstances are. We believe that God will turn things around and work all things for the good of those who love Him. We believe in a higher standard of love, conduct and truth, which are universal and unchanging through time. We believe in things we don’t tangibly see and touch, we believe in miracles, every single day as Christians.
First of all, I know it’s difficult to believe that my wife would use the word “screwed” but that’s not a fairy tale; she really did. It must have slipped out accidentally so please try not to talk to her about it...Secondly, the conversation above seems to imply that in my discussions with my wife, I talk a lot more than her. That is completely untrue…well, OK, maybe it’s slightly true. Sometimes. But back to the topic.
I’ve started noticing a trend where many parents are very caught up with revealing the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help them God. Many people experience crushing disappointments growing up and attribute it to believing in these romantic notions which were instilled in them from their exposure to fairy tales from a young age.
I recently watched short clip entitled “Mothers are the biggest liars in the world”. In the video, a mother lies to her son throughout that she’s not tired as she’s going through laborious work, that she’s not hungry so that he can have more to eat, and so on. And it touched me because all through my childhood, I’ve seen instances of my own mother hiding her own hurt and challenges in order to help us kids.
But as I read through some of the comments related to the clip, I saw so many comments from mothers stating things like, “I’d never lie to my children”, “they deserve to know the truth about life”, and “the truth will help them grow to be responsible adults”. There were stories shared about how some of them trusted their parents and then felt betrayed later on, and how expectations were built up only to set them up for disappointment later on.
And they all do have a point. I don’t want my children to grow up with their head in the clouds, believing that only good people exist and thinking life should be easy. But I also want them to grow up with a strong capacity to hope for a better reality, to know that there are so many possibilities in life to reach for courageously, and to hold on to good principles and standards even if they are different from what they see every day in the world.
It’s going to be a tricky line to walk. But at some point, I need to also let go and trust that they will make the right decisions and strike the right balance for themselves.
So I'm leaning a lot more towards exposing my kids to these stories as they grow up. What about you? Are you going to let your children grow up on fairy tales and the old Disney cartoons?
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