I haven’t been able to spend much time with my daughters lately. And recently, I had the chance to compare rather extreme scenarios which helped me to understand just how important quality time is for children.
From the final quarter of last year, I went through a season where I was unemployed for six months, and then in a freelance work-from-home job for another three months. So all in all, I was spending a TON OF TIME with my girls.
I would drop Nat at school and then take Sam out for breakfast. I would pick up Nat and head to the mall to hang out for a couple of hours. Or I’d drop her off and head out to have lunch with my wife.
Then over a month ago, I started a new job which requires full-time hours in downtown KL. Suddenly, I could no longer pick up my daughter from school or take the other out for breakfast. At the same time, especially recently, so many of my evenings have been set aside for church ministry.
It has taken its toll tangibly…
The kids have been acting out with more tantrums. The way they react to instruction is more defensive and rebellious. They are a bit more reserved at times in how they receive hugs and love. They are purposefully naughty to seek attention.
On one hand, I know that they need to adapt to a new balance of how much time and energy I can spend with them. But on the other, I realise how much my presence means to them.
This means I need to be far more intentional in the time I have with them. I don’t have the luxury of ‘checking out’ emotionally to wind down and recharge. Or catching up on a TV series while home. Or even maxing out on my fitness regime each week.
It definitely has not been easy.
Especially when I’ve been hearing regular comments from friends and family members that they have been naughty, that they need more boundaries and discipline, that they need more ‘character building’. And especially when I feel somewhat responsible.
I’m committing to three things to be intentional about.
- To spend at least two weeknights a week at home with family.
- To take my wife, Nat and Sam out on one-to-one dates at least once a month each.
- To read a book to them before they sleep whenever possible.
I’m praying that it will make a noticeable difference in the coming weeks.
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