I love this man.
Although I only grew close to him this year, he's left an indelible mark on my life and on my heart. The many breakfasts, classes, hangouts after lunches, one to one coffee sessions at Doi Chaang, and student council meetings. He's the closest thing I've ever had to a spiritual father.
This has been a year of storms. Going in full time was the craziest, most foolish thing I've ever done in my life. And I thought I had counted the cost...the ballet classes I wouldn't be able to afford sending my daughters to, the sedan car that I can't even fit three car seats across the back, the cancellation of cable and WIFI, the lost moments and time with my children over each weekend.
How desperately wrong I was.
Making the decision to go full-time and to set my life apart for Jesus, is so much more different than walking the full-time call everyday, and keeping my spirit sensitive and vulnerable in every season. The things I had to struggle most with were not even directly linked to my full-time call but to events and people outside of my control.
It came to a point where I was breaking down and wondering how I was going to go on. I remember my exact words in prayer to God one day, "I gave up so much time with my kids for this shit? I'm done." See the depths of my unholiness and unfaithfulness...
Then along comes this man, puts his hand on my shoulder and asks, "Are you all right? Let's go out for a drink." In a season of such confusion and pain, he was a rock of encouragement. At a time where I felt so wretched and such a failure in how I was responding to circumstances so soon after going in full-time, he told me he was proud of how I was getting through it and that it was with more maturity than he would have expected.
He had a gift for seeing the good in people...in honouring the good in people. He told me I was dealing with it in the right way and that I would come out of it. He could see the best of my future, the best of who I could be, and talked to me as though it were already a reality. How do you respond to someone who is so authentic and sincere in believing in you? How can you imagine a reality of letting someone like that down?
And at the end of each session at Doi Chaang, he would give me a hard hug and say, "You know, by sharing so openly, you have given me the right into your life. So I'm going to be calling you out often to check how you are, I'm going to be bugging you constantly to make sure you're all right." I never knew how to respond. I'm the one taking up his time, his energy, his love...and he's apologetic that he's going to be disturbing me? This was the grace he showed to ensure I wouldn't feel like I was imposing on him.
If not for him, I honestly don't know if I would still be walking this journey that only started at the beginning of this year right now. It's only been a year but he's impacted me for a lifetime. My prayer now is that I can honour him in how I carry out my call. His life is one that has been poured out like a drink offering and may my life be a response of faith.
I thought the picture on this post was so appropriate. He's gone ahead of us and as we look forward towards his broad back which carried so many of our burdens and times of weakness, he turns his face ever so slightly and whispers that he has finished the race and is waiting for us at the finish line. May we all strive to be as faithful to our call in Christ.
Pr Lim, you will be dearly missed. Wait for me and may I make you proud. Farewell for a season. I love you.
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