My baby is exactly 8 months old today. And what an incredible 8 months it has been. It’s definitely a huge sacrifice for the parents who essentially have to give up just about everything; finances, sleep, personal time, sanity…but at the end of the day, what you get back is something you won’t be able to find anywhere else in the universe.
There’s something completely amazing about being able to lavish so much love on your baby, and at this age, you don’t even care whether they reciprocate or fully understand how much you love them. You just pour it out in ways you would not imagine with any other human being…such as holding her tightly to my chest and rolling all over the bed for a few minutes while she squeals in delight.
These moments are truly irreplaceable with any other experience in life. And many times, they can’t be recreated – they just happen in the normal course of spending time with your kid.
I’ve realised quite a few things over this period and it’s probably 0.01% of what I’ll need to learn to get this parenting thing right…if I ever do.
I learnt how helpless a father can feel when his daughter is sick and he can’t do anything about it – I can’t even imagine how it would be for parents who see their child go through far more serious conditions.
I learnt that you can’t approach having a child as though it helps to patch things up in a marriage because of the ‘parenting’ instincts and sense of maturity it ‘should’ trigger.
In fact, the tension of disagreements can be amplified many times when a person is exhausted, worried about extra financial commitments and has not had personal time to recuperate and regain one’s sanity. And the ‘mature’ decisions made for the family are that much tougher especially when you feel trapped by the extra pressures of being a parent and just want to get away.
I learnt that a child needs both her parents and not just one. Nat is at her happiest when both her parents are lying on the couch or bed playing with her…together. There’s something about the bond between the father and mother which overflows to the child more than you would ever think.
I learnt that if you want to be a parent, you need to have really, really short memories for the hard moments (like literally 5 minute short memories or less). And then you need to have very good memories for all the good moments because you have to remember that you can make more moments good if you so choose.
I learnt that it’s not about keeping score about who’s doing more or comparing because if that were the case, my wife would have either killed me or left me a long time ago! It’s about keeping the big picture that what is done is always for the child, and when you realise you haven’t been doing enough, to pick it up again.
I’ve gone and done it again – made parenting sound like a terrible nightmare. But if anyone were to still ask me whether they should have kids, I would wholeheartedly ask them to go for it. Every time I see Nat, even if someone were to offer me a billion dollars to reset my life to before I had her, I would not make the trade.
Raising a child of your own flesh and blood – it’s priceless. And worth every effort made.
(When she becomes a teenager and becomes an ungrateful, rebellious brat, then I’ll probably have to reconsider my mindset regarding this…)
This picture was when she was around 2 weeks old. How could you not fall in love with that?
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