Dear Ally,
At some point, you’re going to grow up, discover my blog and ask yourself why I had written letters to your sisters from even before they were born, when you don’t have a single letter to your name.
To this, I would respond, “Look at your mummy, is she complaining that I haven’t written any letters to her? Of all people, shouldn’t she have the most right to ask for one?”
And I will also respond to you…“I’m so sorry, baby. I wish I had kept up my blogging discipline because I do want to leave some of these letters for you. I hope you can forgive me.”
So here I find you on the cusp of turning four years old. You started kindergarten just over two months ago, and you have been so, so brave. Unlike your two older sisters, who are wimps, you haven’t shed a single tear since the first day of school, walking in everyday like you own the place.
I guess that this is why we call you the gangster of the family. We have Nat the princess, Sam the joker and Ally the gangster. I hope that you don’t feel insulted because that’s not our intention. You’re clearly the fiercest and most stubborn of our family, and that can be a good thing too.
I’ve seen you hold your own when other kids try to snatch your toys or bully you. I’ve seen you perfectly content to play on your own without having to have someone else befriend you. I’ve seen you stand up for another and for what you believe is right and fair.
There is so much toughness in you and I believe that it will continue to be a big part of who you are as you grow up. My hope and prayer is that you will learn to use it for good, to protect those you love and to fight for what is right and just.
And there is so much gentleness in you as well that often remains hidden. Last night, you surprised me. You stood at the doorway as though deciding whether to show your softer side while I was reading in bed.
“Daddy…my throat really hurts.”
You’d been having the flu for a couple of days. I put down my book and held my arms wide open. You ran to me and jumped into me, hugging me as hard as you could for many long moments.
These were precious moments to me. You see, you’ve previously only looked to get this type of assurance from mummy and turn to me mainly for fun. But there was no resistance as I gently hugged you, stroked your back and comforted you.
It revealed to me the side of your heart that gets buried under your 'thug' persona. And it revealed to me that you still need me as a father in more ways than I had originally thought. It was an important reminder and I will make this commitment to you.
Anytime you need me, if at all possible, I will be here for you every time.
I love you so much, my little gangster baby girl.
Your dad.
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